New word of the day.

You there

here here!

2 nine pound whole sheeekins for $50 USDA organic

i need to start saying advantageous

My being the oldest has been advantageous to my ego.


Being able to eat dark chocolate is advantageous to keeping my sanity.
Having me for a wife has been advantageous for Lucas.
bees classy


I like that last

all that

Advantageous sentence

you had to spell check it aye


Tea Party Wedding Shower!

I hosted my first ever wedding shower in October.  It was so. much. fun.  I decided on throwing a tea party. I totally got into it, I could have tea parties all the time so long as it was in the afternoon!  Immediately, I shopped for teacups and saucers.  I found an adorable set at goodwill and stumbled upon some awesome decorations there too!  I put the rest of the fam on the task of finding more cups and saucers but I was so obsessed, I went to the antique outlet one weekend and stocked up on some more because I am going to have more tea parties, someday.   I got excited about a tea sandwich recipe.  It was so fancy, Waldorf Chicken Salad.  I knew I wanted to make Greek Pinwheels.  I happened to have ALL THE TEAS at my house already, like seven different flavors but I narrowed it down to five plus iced tea and coffee.  What? I figure people want to drink while they are there at.the.teaparty.  I made banners because it was just so cute!  PJ's mom made deelish mini cupcakes that had me panicking more than driving with a baby in the car.  Only one mini cake was turned on its side.  YESS!

The downside of my traveling is that I CANNOT sleep at someone else's house. So, baby seester, who had brought some super cute decorations helped me set up the table the night turned out as adorable and I expected it would.  We had it pretty much figured out right away.  Though, when she went to bed I laid  there til seriously 3 am before falling asleep and was wide awake at 7am...oh well.  I woke up to Mom pilfering around with coffee and she approved of the table setting.
Just look at all this cuteness! Just look at it!
Also, Baby Seester did NOT wear a dress like she was sposta.

I had a surprise for my mom, and had to run and get it.  And napkins.  Well, napkins was the excuse but A and B happened to be in Sand Springs for a band competition for B, and A was going to surprise Nonnie!  It couldn't have worked out better:
They totally cried and I totally had to leave the room or else I would too...spoiler alert: I still cried.

It was a small but adorable turnout and a wee bit of dramatics due to rain and such, we went to go eat at MAH FAVROITE Mexican restaurant, Ricardos!  The weather took a turn for the worse and by the time we left, it was a torrential downpour.  Baby Seester and I went in my car, to try to find in the rain a liquor store.  This is where I often forget that Missouri spoils me.  I'm all, hey we can just get wine or whatever at any gas station.  Oklahoma is like HAHA.NO.  So, Saby Seester and I took off with nearly dead phones in the torrential rain trying to find our way through town with no GPS signal.  After we went about 5 miles out of the way, we found a liquor store only blocks from the house and got a bottle of vino so MAYBE I could get a decent nap in.  However, when we got to Middle Seester's place, we noticed that SOMEONE STOLE HER HOUSE!  I drove up and down that road 6 times, and said, "Seriously, that house was just right there when we left! Wasn't it right there?"  Baby Seester agreed with me, and we confusedly called Middle Seester to tell her that her house was stoled.  Turns out, there's two streets right next to each other called 37th.  One's pl and the other is st.  Whoops.   We got on the correct road, and there it was.  When we came in, it looked like Mom and Middle Seester had just gotten out of the shower...apparently Sir P had driven off right at the second they ran out in the torrential downpour and left them to soak.  I sure did miss not getting to see that...

Sleep did not come so easy for me again, but I managed to get home safely and crash a little early.


How much is that boot in the window?

I spied some boots a couple of weeks ago at the tanning salon I knew I needed to have.  They were very similar to a pair I had wanted last year and of course happened to either be sold out of my size or color every place I looked.  I did end up getting a pair sorta similar from my dad, but they were striped and looked like cat in the hat shoes, and tried to kill me the first time I wore them.  What? You never put on a new pair of shoes not knowing they were completely felt lined on the soles, and then step onto a wood floor only to land flat on your back with your skull two inches away from the coffee table corner?  Oh, that's just me?  Probably so.  Anyway I'm kinda scared of them now and I think Dr. Seuss is after me for writing in the Fox in Socks book when I was a kid and reincarnated himself in these shoes, plotting my death.

Look at these cat in the hat boots, now back to me, now back to the boots.  This story is now going to be made of diamonds.  Anyway, I text the Goose "hey I wanna buy some boots, early Christmas gift? OKAY!" and as you should know, that went over just fine.  I probably didn't even have to tell him, but he just so happened to be checking up on me as it were.  I get what I want because I'm the only child.  *shifty eyes*   

So last night after talking with one of the worker bees to make sure they were still there, I went up after work to get them.  When I got there I didn't see them.  I had a small panic attack until I saw them around the corner, being all cute and stuff.  There was ONE pair in the color I wanted and what do you know, MY SIZE!  Well, it was fate.  I had to have them, and have them I would.  New worker bee was working and she started to ring me up...except she couldn't.  She couldn't find where to ring up these boots because, well boots aren't a normal item in a tanning salon.  After a few super confused looks, the computer froze up.  Then things got real fun.  People started coming in to, you know, tan.  

But apparently I shut down the whole system all because I wanted these boots.  By the time the line backed up to four people, a nice man with the salon logo his shirt walked up to the counter to see what was going on.  He was obviously an owner of some sort and just so happened to be there changing the bulbs in a couple beds.   By this time, new worker bee had gotten someone on the phone for help, to no avail.  When the computers froze up for my purchase, that meant it froze up for everyone behind me and they couldn't tan.  I refused to look at them in case they were giving me the snake eyes.  New worker bee was still on the phone with a someone, and bulb guy was now getting on the phone with another someone.  How many bosses do they have there?!

By the grace of the sun goddesses, one of the computers magically started pumping out vitamin D and allowed the pale people of the land to get back and bake.  My boots, however were still the bane of the other computers existence.  Bulb guy was doing everything he could to get this purchase done so I could stop standing in the lobby with my head in my hands.  Finally, the computer allowed him to run the transaction! YAY!  After 50 minutes and trying to run my card in the system twice, those boots were paid for!  For my troubles I got leveled up for 2 upgraded tans.  Of course, I used one right then and there.  I laid in that level 5 bed for my solid 12 minutes and thought about how this could only happen to me, in my life.  I'm sure anyone else buying boots would be a simple short transaction.  I couldn't help but laugh at the thought.

I most definitely did not have time to go get my nails done after all that hoopla so I decided to just run to Aldi for milk and, maybe a bottle of wine.  I pulled up next to a very suspicious looking yellow van, and took absolutely no time getting out and locking the doors and running inside in case a clown or worse came popping out of the van.  I got my milk, and I got my wine in record time.  Suspicious van was still there, waiting to kidnap someone with chloroform coming out of the exhaust pipe so I ran to the passenger side of my car and scooted in.  I totally showed that killer clown what's what! You can't get me! NEENER NEENER!  My mom would've been proud.  Not because I parked next to killer van in the first place, because I was SAFE and didn't get next to the sliding door of death.  Always be defensive, I say.  Okay, I only just now said that.  Lesson of the day? Don't park next to scary yellow vans, and maybe buy your shoes at a shoe store.  Allegedly tanning salons don't like people to wear anything but flip flops, shorts, and tanks.

Totally worth it.


This is will melt your brain

I'm pretty sure I am not the only one in the world that has had a 10th birthday.  I am pretty sure that I am one of the few that nearly caused my party to be shut down.  It was a fun birthday, I had a bunch of my friends come over (none of which I am still friends with nor remember) for a slumber party.  We had a pillow fight, played princess dress up in my mom's best dresses and makeup, and went out and TP'd the neighborhood after sneaking Zima's from the old man's garage fridge, and blew up small plants with black cat firecrackers.

Not so worldly travels...Madison, WI

Impromptu trip to see REAL snow over Christmas 2009 led us to go find some cheese in Wisconsin as our gifts to ourselves.  Again, another trip journal being transferred over.

Thursday--got off work at about 1030 and out of town by 1115am. Left Rolla and it was just a drizzle. By the time we got to St Louis it was a full on terrible storm! The rain was horrid the whole drive. So heavy that at times I couldn't see the car directly in front of me. Somewhere near Bloomington IL we started seeing snow collected in the fields. Stopped for gas around Mendota, IL and the snow was covering the grounds at least 3-6 inches deep. Shyann didn't want to pee in the snow! Got back in the car and crossed over to Wisconsin and made it to Madison by 645pm. We checked in, and drove off looking for dinner. Luckily the TGIFridays just down the road was open. It was all wonderful and we got a burger to go to snack on later. Got back and went to bed pretty much right away.

World Travels...Jamaica 2011

For our 10 year anniversary, we planned a trip to Jamaica.  Again, this one is directly copied and pasted.  I am not responsible for what I said.

March 26-- 
We left for STL about 3 pm.  It was FREEZING!  We drove through a snowstorm all the way there.  Luke was in shorts and I was in leggings and flip flops!  ACK! We drove about 45mph half the way there.  We met Ashley and Dusty at Target to let Ash take my Shyann Belle for the week.  She didn’t seem to care; she was ready to go on another car ride.  We shopped in Target, running through the parking lot in our nearly bare feet.  We had to stop at Home Depot to get Dusty an extra key for my car.  As we were coming out some guy threw a snowball at me for wearing flip flops! Little did he know we were going to Jamaica :D  We headed downtown to the Old Spaghetti Factory and then settled into Dusty’s place for the night to warm up.  Ashley text me to let me know Shy was doing just fine there.  Waking up at 5am tomorrow to get to the airport! WOOHOO! 

World travels...St. Croix, USVI

2007 I got the opportunity to take my very first plane ride.  Six of them actually! I like to write trip journals to remember things on my vacation.  This one is directly copied and pasted from my word documents so...there you go.

Saturday, May 12
Got ready to go at 3:15 am, I didn’t sleep at all from excitement! We picked up Dusty to take up to St. Louis. Checked into STL airport at 4:45 am and made it successfully through security. Although as soon as I got to our gate, my flip flop broke! We had to scramble around at 5:30 am looking for an open gift shop that might have shoes. Luckily Luke found one and got me a new pair of flip flops. We got on the plane at 6:50 am and I had a window seat. The flight was pretty awesome, fairly smooth. We made it to Miami at 11am. Miami had a lot of haze and smoke from the fires that were there a few days before. We got on board to head to Puerto Rico, and got some really cool pictures of the Bahamas on the way to Puerto Rico! When we got to Puerto Rico, we bought some souvenirs while waiting on our shuttle bus to go out to the turbo prop plane. When we went out to the shuttle bus, it was 91 degrees and you could smell the salt air. We made it to St. Croix at 5:30 pm and we were blown away by the view. Jay picked us up and took us swimming in Cramer’s Park, which is near Point Udall, the farthest most eastern point in the U.S. and we saw Buck Island. We then went to eat at Cheeseburgers. Cheeseburger's was great! We soon realized that everything there was open-air. Jay’s house was so cool! He lived in a downstairs apartment of a house, so we walked down these terra cotta steps to this beautiful terrace! His back porch was as long as his apartment and almost as wide. His backyard had a mango tree, lime tree, coconut tree, banana tree and some prickly pear type fruit tree. It was so lush and green and peaceful! We saw lots of geckos too!

Aliens and pee

In my weak attempt for orderliness --is that a word? I am going to bring some of my stories from wherever I had them posted.  Oldie here, but pretty awesome.

July 11, 2011
WOO HOO MONDAY!  I went to let Shyann Belle dog out at 515am and the door wouldn't open because something was in the way.  Then I saw it...the trash bag I set out last night to take with me when I left was all torn up. Great. A cat.  Shy went investigating and I heard this strange snarl and I screamed "SHY COME HERE"! I saw the stupid cat crawl up my grill trying to escape so I swatted at it.  But it kept going up! AND UP! And it was stuck, clinging on to the post of the porch for dear life.  I flipped on the porch light because in the midst of the battle, I dropped my phone. WHAT! HOLY MOTHER OF COFFEE!  IT'S NOT A CAT! IT'S A RACOON! OMG I ALMOST TOUCHED IT! EW EW! IT COULD HAVE RABIED ME!  


tiny human conversations, just a normal day around here.

Bri:  You can take that magazine home if you want, have your mom get you some clothes and stuff?
PG: I CAN'T WEAR THOSE CLOTHES! I am small, and these are for a-dots!
Bri: How did you get so smart?
PG: From Sydney. (a cousin)
Bri: Oy, PG you are so funny, how did you get so funny?
PG: From Kylie.  (also, a cousin)

PG: Hey Bri!  Wanna know a friend's name from my class?  You know it? I know it!
Bri: What's her name?
PG: *grins all cute* I DO remember!  Just not now.
Bri: Oh PG, when did you get so cute?
PG: Free minutes ago.


a tornado carried our house off?

Last  Saturday, I woke up to my washer freaking out on me.  I know it was at least on the second spin cycle because I had heard it already but forced myself  to ignore it and went back to sleep.  It was clearly loaded wrong and going off-kilter.  Then my alarm went off and I actually woke my brain up.  I do the laundry, not Goose.  Goose was already awake, as usual.  I rolled across the king size bed and got up grumbling.  About that time Goose came around the corner into the hallway and I said "Who's washing machine is freaking out?"  Our windows had been open all night because it was LOVELY outside.  I got a dirty look, and a "I just finally figured it out!  Guess!"  Not all the way awake, I wasn't in the mood to guess.  I said, "Why do I have to listen to someone else's washer on a SATURDAY MORNING?"

Peace and love, man.

That's really all.  If you try to live this way, the stupid things are just that. Stupid.  If you are negative, get it away from me! I don't want your nega-disease.  Welp...that sounds racist, sorry.  Let me try again...I DON'T WANT YOUR DDD...*snickers* That's a Carlos Mencia song.  Oh well, I'm running with it...I don't want your DDD (Darlene Downer Disease).

*runs away while spraying windex* 


Tiny Human transitions

It's no secret that we are going to the Farmer's Market on the regular, and changing how we eat around this hizzouse.  Clearly, that also changes how I feed the tiny humans because I refuse to buy too many processed/store bought meal products.  I have to get crafty sometimes with them.  They are totally digging all the fresh fruit, fresh produce (and will eat squash if I sneak it in) and most whatever I put in front of them.  I've been sneaky enough to make healthified pizza, homemade "hot pockets" which were a hit, burritos, beef pot pie, "mac and cheese", spaghetti out of my beloved sketti squash, and loaded baked "princess potatoes" (because I had used the purple potatoes and those were regarded for high Peruvian Kings back in the day, so that makes them princesses to get to eat that kind of tater!) to name a few.  I've also been buying Almond  milk for myself on the whim that I choose to drink milk.  They always ask me about it when I pour some out so I thought I would be sneaky, get some Rice milk, and just pour them a small glass and not say anything to see if they noticed.


We have incredibly good luck.

June 1-3, 2012.  I had spent the weekend in St. Louis with Goose camping.  We were not technically camping though, I don't consider spending the day at a campsite and then sleeping in an apartment for the night camping.  However, the airbed happened to fail and we had to sleep on a 3 inch thick who-knows-how-old futon mattress, so it was LIKE camping!  And the city lights presented a moonlit ambiance ... or not.  Saturday night we got back to the apartment incredibly late, okay it was like 130am Sunday morning.  Parked our cars on the street and went to sleep.  In the apartment, not the streets.  We might as well should have.  We spent Sunday having a lovely day in CWE with Dustbuster.  We decided on going out for dinner, the three of us and the doggie.  I figured we would take my car so I could just drop them back off when we were done.  I was distracted with the ShyannBelle trying to avoid peeing when I looked up and saw Goose frantically looking around in circles.  Then I looked over to where he was looking.  The spot he parked the truck. was empty.


I will tackle you to the ground

There are just some things you will fight anything and everyone for.  I call it being passionate about what you love.  *shifty eyes*  Or crazy.

I was your typical preteen though my parents would maybe beg to differ.  OKAY FINE.  I was a nightmare from the time I was mobile/vocal.  I made them question their sanity and ability to survive another child if it turned out like me.  Eventually they gave up and had two more kids but luckily for the parents they were a bit tamer than me.  To call me over dramatic is an understatement.

One lazy preteen Saturday I was feeling extremely needy for some chocolate.   It was probably that time where a girl craves salty and sweet more often and I was looking for some chocolate to fulfill my needs.  Any chocolate would do.  Usually, I would find my mom and throw myself on the floor and roll around whine until she told me I was weird and send me on a frantic quest in the kitchen.

My mom was in the kitchen this time, and I walked in there prepared to throw myself down right there in the kitchen floor in desperation.  She had just finished cleaning something up and I supersighed to get her to turn around.

"MOOOOOOOOM, do we have any chocolate?  I NEEEED IT.  I am just going to DIE!"

She turned with a guilty look on her face.  She had just taken a bite.  Of a cookie.  A chocolate chip cookie.  I dropped my jaw right on the floor as she shrugged.  With her mouth full, she said  "I'm sorry!  This is the last one! But you can have a bite of it."

Then it happened.  She held the cookie out, and I was prepared to say NO! ITS NOT THE SAME in a dramatic fashion when a lowly chocolate chip FLEW out of the cookie and in slow mo I watched it fall to the floor.  At the same time I saw it hit the floor, so did my Miniature Sheltie.  We looked at each other, me and the dog, but more me at her.  She started for that chocolate chip and I dove for the ground, grabbed the dog by the neck and put her in a half neslon just at the second her tongue was about to stick out and lap up the chocolate chip.  I screamed "NO! MY CHOCOLATE CHIP!", held the dog down and picked up the chocolate chip.  Though it felt like a 10 minute struggle it was only .002 seconds.

My mom, who was watching of course, nearly dropped her cookie right out of her hand.  Her eyes popped right out of her head and said "BRI! YOU ARE NOT GONNA EAT THAT OFF THE--"

In triumph I stuck that chocolate chip right in my mouth from the floor, and millimeters from the dogs tongue.  I didn't care.  It was a chocolate morsel.  I assume the look of bliss came over my face and it was comical to her.  That or she was wondering what she did wrong in raising me, that I would wrestle a dog to the ground for a teeny tiny chocolate chip.  Or maybe it was the whole scenario that played out in front of her eyes while she was trying to chew her first bite of cookie.  Whatever it was, she doubled over in hysterical laughter and could barely speak the words.

"Good Lord, Bri!" *howling cackles* "I could have given" *snorts and laughs* "You the rest" *chokes on bite and continues to giggle* "of this cookie!"  *hysterical fits of uncontrollable laughter*

"No, I just wanted the chocolate, I am good now."  I said, and walked out of the kitchen leaving my mom to pee her pants in privacy.


You ever try to each a three-year-old a joke?

Because you SHOULD.  Ever try to teach two three-year-olds a joke?  Even.better.  Unless you are the type of person who gets annoyed about repeating yourself over and over for an hour trying to get them to say it right.  You'd think the joke would lose all funniness, but no.  No it does not.  However I am a rare breed and I find things funny decades later no matter how stupid it is.  Like you'd think I wouldn't find it hilarious when Tom Hanks in his ill-fitted tuxedo is at that fancy banquet chewing on a baby corn like it's real corn on the cob.  But I do.  I REALLY do.  

Even funnier is when their parents are sending you texts asking you what in the world their kid is talking about.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KID?!?"  "Why is my kid talking about marine life while slapping her knees in giggle fits?  I don't get it, lets make it a bug."

Okay, no that wasn't really said.  But what WAS said was "Do you know how long it took me to get that joke?" and of course I laughed all over the floor like that rolling on the floor yahoo emoticon but with less roundness.

Are  you ready?

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

*rim shot*  Thank you, I am here all week!

*beauty pageant waves*


What's that smell?

Last week I went to tan.  Nothing new or interesting about that.  I walked in, said hi and probably asked for an upgrade on the bed.  As we were discussing my bed arrangements, a feller came skipping down the hall loudly interrupting us.  For future references we will call him spaz attack. 

"Can you do my back?" he said.  I looked around HOPING he wasn't asking me, I don't even know who he is!  He wandered around behind the counter, and obviously couldn't see the sign saying not to, on account of his sunglasses being on INSIDE.  His shirt was missing...I think he lost it in the hallway during his cheer routine.  After he was told to "step back sir" he again asked to be rubbed down.  She said she would after she cleaned my bed.  He decided then he should maybe go pee while he's waiting.  As he cart-wheeled down the hall I looked at workerbee and contemplated making fun of him but wasn't sure if he was a buddy or not.  However, I am fairly sure I made an "is-he-for-real?" face.

My bed got cleaned, and as workerbee came out to tell me, spaz attack came running down the hall, arms flailing, screaming like he was being chased by a drone of hornets.


Workerbee, quick  to reply asked "Did ya poop?" to which spaz attack said "EW! NO I did NOT!"  Thank my lucky stars my bed was ready because I was not sure I could handle any more of this guys crack rush.  As I was walking back, I heard him pleading saying "I just shaved my back, so its okay.  Please?"  *chokes back vomit*


Let me channel my inner Fraulein Maria

and sing "These are a few of my favorite THIIIIINGS!  WHEN THE DOG  BI-Bi-bites..."    *shifty eyes* 

Summer is practically here, and that means that there are certain products I need and can't live without during the warm times.  If I lived near the ocean though, these things would be staples.  Okay, this is kind of a girly post so boys...thanks for looking but nothing to see here, move on.  Unless you LIKE girly things and then by all means, stick around!  

I am not going to talk tanning stuff because for me, I haven't found a FAVORITE lotion and to be honest I use whatever my tanning salon gets in that year.  And I use spf 50 on my face and shoulders outside anyway, and I don't think the brand matters so long as you protect your skin.  Get a really good base tan by going slow and using high spf's and by all means, don't get burnt! Use a sunblock until you get your base tan.  Protect your skins, only get one epidermis.  That's the end of my PSA.


baseball talk on a smart phone

...and some other random chitchat, but mostly its about baseball because well I like to watch baseball, and I like to chat Dustbuster about it.  Sometimes though, autocorrect doesn't like baseball players names.

Why did futile have that oven mitt on?
12:56 PM

I didn't see it


I knew you are a terribly fan and don't watch
He had a big mitten on over his batting glub
When he was on base
1:00 PM

Don't pretend you are watching
I always pretend

That guy just missed the ball
he did that last time we played them too
1:09 PM


Its was nice that Freese got a hr on hims birfday
1:15 PM
Woop taxi is on fire
I hope a taxi has a fire extinguisher, but yay for Yadi's hr! he's on fire!
1:56 PM
Haha that weirdo commentator is lolling about that old guy..harharharharhar he is SO FUNNY
Well they are kinda funny today!
You are kinda funny
I try sometimes
Niiice jay
So shy and I went to the market jiggety jog
But I stopped at sonic for a lemon berry cream slush
And as im backing out....I look over and that dog was trying to stick her tongue in my cup for some cool whip!
Did she drink it all?
I said what do you think you are doing you loony toon!?!?!?
2:09 PM
No I scooped out some cool whip for her but she wasn't getting my slush
2:10 PM
I don't get that negative goatee on bogged. boggs
2:14 PM

Tag. You're it.
You would look funny with one
2:16 PM
I already have a negative goatee basically
Sociopolitical...i don't get it
Im not political at all
Nice base hit
Ur a base hit
2:22 PM
So when we went to M's wedding , and met his wife, she said we should go to KC and hang out...then she said maybe a ball game....
I said....i'll only go in my cardinals shirt.
She said...ok i'll wear mine too!
And then we high dived about it :)
Well. Highfived
from the top board no doubt
I haven't jumped off the high dive in a loooong time
Me too
I'd like to
Banana that pitchers reaction! He just
Stomped around. I love it
I can't see
Who poked your eye out?
2:26 PM
Did you vote for allstate the other day? I got an email and I voted my 25 slotted times.
Uh. Allstars
And alloted
2:33 PM
I tell you. Skip must have the weekend off from his game throwing 
He was paid to help win
If he throws all the games then every one would be on to him and know he was getting paid under the table by the mafia 
So he only throws some games
hangs head
2:36 PM
That's how he gets all this money on the he can afford all those 'oblique dr visits' which I think is code for 'trips to jamaica'
2:37 PM
You live in a strange fantasy world
2:41 PM
Listening to yadi talkis absolutely fascinating
They just interviewed him and they asked something or other
And he said
"Well we habing fun, and when we habing fun we do guuud and so das what we do we juss habing fun..."
 But he really looks like he wants to say, "leeb me alone I need to sower, I smeeel"

Ahah so is furcal
He's number. 5
Indium not trying to compare him to pujols
I'm saying he's better than #1
well i still dunno what you say
Taxi is #1
Actually yadi is #4
He's the best. I already told you this long ago. He is my fren.

2:53 PM
Yu no tush me.


Now here's a little ditty about my technologically dependent life.

I am the worst at losing things, I mean the WORST.  Like that one time I lost my drink and couldn't remember where I put it, but it was right in there on the counter where I left it?  Okay, that happens all the time.  Or when I misplaced that belt, only to give up and find it in a suitcase a couple months later?  Or when I lost my brown flip flops and never found them so I gave up and bought a new pair, only to find that they had been shoved under the bookcase two weeks later?  Or oh, how about that time I lost my iPod and thought I had mistakenly knocked it off my desk into the trash and dumped it, only to find it 4 months later outside sitting on top of  the gutter recently revealed thanks to a rainstorm moving the leaves off of it and it had sat through snow and rain and still worked? I put my phone down where I shouldn't and need to have someone call me, just to find it in the couch cushions.


Me and my car concerts...

So here I was, driving all over the great state of Missouri because it was the night to pick up the chirren.  Okay, I can't call them chirren anymore.  The teenagers, EXCUUUUUSE ME!  We have quite a long drive so we usually have lots to talk about and catch up on and in between times, we sing.  They enjoy the car concerts right along with me.  I helped raise them right.

We like to skip songs we don't care to sing to and belt it out to the ones we do. It's our thing, back off okay?  The thing you gotta know is, I keep lots of "classics" on the ipod.  Things like LIVE, Bob Marley, Pearl Jam, Natalie Merchant, etc.  I like my songs diverse.  The next  thing you gotta know is, I CAN NOT, will not ever change it from Bohemian Rhapsody.  It's like the world stops and I force them to listen to it.  The first time I made them listen to the song they said I was weird and laughed violently at my  "Bismilah! NOOO! We will not let you go! LEMME GO! NO NO NEVER NEVER NEVER NO NO NO!"  These days, they know it word for word and sing right along with me.  I threatened to never buy them candy again til they learned the words.



I have a very serious thing to say here people.  I never say serious things, so you best be opening your ears and hearing this.  I went and saw the Hunger Games movie this weekend, as well as about 15bazillion other people according to the box office ratings.  It was a fantastic movie, well acted and stayed very close to the book.  I gave it my official stamp of approval.  Not that that hack job of the other movies I have seen... *coughTWILIGHTcough* Don't get me wrong, I love the Twilight Saga.  As a set of books.   The cheesy awful acting really ruined what could have been amazing movies for me.  Maybe K.Stewert will be a better *spoiler if you live under a rock* vampire than a human but I am kinda not getting my hopes up.  This is not the point....

My point is this people: Why do people compare Twilight to Hunger Games? WHY WHY!?

I'm going to leave that as a whole paragraph for itself to let it sink in...STOP IT YOU DUMMIES!  The Hunger Games is nothing NOTHING NOTHING like the Twilight books...NOTHING.  Do you see my urgency and seriousness in this? *points to all caps*  I cannot stand seeing people say "Team Edward/Team Jacob" let alone seeing this stupidness: "Who are you for? Team Peeta or Team Gale?"  What? Where did you come up with that cockamamie crap?  When did the Hunger Games books ever because some girly love story?

I've fallen for the basement. No, really.

It was a cold Chicago night, 1976 the year of America's bi-centennial.  My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was chargin' through!  Wait...what?  Ok ok that T.V. show clip then.  I guess I need a better intro.

It was a bright sunny February post-birthday and also happy Friday to me!  Us kids were having a swell time doing various kid things.  Mostly dancing and playing dress up (they were, I liked my clothes) and begging for candy.  I was fixing lunch and got a knock on the door to find a PRESENT for ME!  Oooo!  It really was my birthday week!  I opened the box to find the most glorious surprise from that sneaky Goose!  The very thing I am typing on at this moment.  A CHROMEBOOK! If you don't know what it is, I suggest you do a google search and figure it out.  Or here, I will help.  Click here for Chromebook awesomeness.  I will wait.
Disclaimer: This is mine.  You won't get THIS beautiful little thing, you'll be shipped another like it.


Now for some old lady wisdom

As I sit here on the fantastic day of my birth, I think back to last year when I was sulking and sad and unhappy that I was turning 30.  I did NOT have a birthday week.  I did NOT want people to know.  I did NOT EVEN want treats!  I  realized not too long after, that just because I am 30 doesn't mean I am ANY different than I was at 29, or 24 for that matter.  I am still a complete retard for marching bands.  I am still fanatical about Back to the Future.  I still love chocolate.  I still get ID'd.  I find myself hilarious even if no one else does, and often laugh at my own cheesy jokes.  I have learned a lot of things over my old age and last year taught me that I am only as old as I act.  I will now share some things I have learned.  And some wisdom.  It's probably not really wisdom but I decided they are so add this to your Chinese Proverbs.

1. Even though I have come to grips with it, saying "I'm 31." is still not fun to say.  Though I haven't had to say it yet, I know it's not fun.
2. Laughter IS the best medicine, which is why I dose myself up pretty good on a daily basis.
3. Learning to love exercise is hard, but now I am kinda obsessed with it.
4. HOWEVER, I hate starting my workout, but when I am done I am SO GLAD I went ahead and did it.  Procrastinating only brings guilt.  A lot of the times I have to slap myself in the face and say "SUCK IT UP WEENIE, YOUR FATS WON'T GO AWAY ON THEIR OWN!"  My reward is the chocolate protein shake afterwards, so I win twice!
5.  Sleep is important, or else your eyeball will turn pink all over and make you look like you have the worst case of pink-eye ever and then they will feel like sandpaper is scraping your retinas every time you blink.
6. Freaking out over small stuff is stupid.
7. Freaking out over friends who screw you over is stupider.  If they were a real friend, they'd not treat you that way in the first place.  Drama is not for this mama. "Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice, see ya never again jerk."  It's worked pretty well for me.  I don't have weirdos constantly complaining, the people in my life are awesome and that keeps me happy.
8. Snakes are STILL scary, even from the safety of the television.
9. There ARE ghosts, and I think one likes to mess with my wood stove.  It's ok because I think it just wants to roast marshmallows and who am I to say no to that?
10. Sitting in one place too long makes your butt fall asleep and when you get up to try to walk you look like a convulsing invalid.  Is that even a good description?  It is now.
11. Being sad/mad is ok, but don't post EVERY SINGLE upset all over every social network platform out there.  It just makes you look like a raging hormonal dingdong.  Just cry it out over an episode of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice -- and eat chocolate.  That always helps.
12. With today's technology no one knows how to spell or punctuate properly anymore.
13. Yep, salad is still my favorite meal.
14. You'd think after so long I would not cry at the death of Mufasa, but I still do and will not stay in the room during that scene.  And also Homeward Bound.
15. My dog is the best little animal I ever had and she knows it.  She's the most perfect, and I can't bear the thought of her not being here one day.  Also, she's really hilarious and acrobatic too.  Nothings cuter than getting up in the morning to get ready for work to find her back in bed under the covers with just her butt sticking out because she's "not ready to wake up yet".  Guarantees a smile to start my day.  Good pets take years off your life.
16. Car concerts are the best, when driving alone anyway.  I think I am an amazing singer while driving.
17. It takes a long time to make a marriage happy like the old folk, but when you get there its awesome.  Those oldies know what it takes, and they do it.  That's why they are still together and they didn't quit when it got hard.  I get to be one of those old folk.  We earned it. :)
18. Family is still family no matter how far away.  Same with friends.  The interwebs these days make it easier to keep up then if you lived in the same town!
19. I still get extremely side-tracked.  I still love it. It's like a surprise when I remember what I was going to do. I like surprises. Except surprise snakes.
20. Milk chocolate is still not very good.  I mean, I won't discriminate if that's all that is around but lets be honest.  It's not as good as pure super dark, I'm talking 80% or more, chocolate melting on your tongue to soothe a rough day away.
21. Kids are funnier than me, so I steal some of their jokes.
22. Smart phones make really dumb auto corrects and I find it absolutely hilarious.
23. I am still freakishly obsessed with real estate, drawing up houses, and stalking google maps.  I mean, its an every day thing for me.  Better that than drugs I guess.  I think in my next life I am supposed to do this.
24. Eating green/organic makes your whole aura happy and not murky.
25. Free is free, and you better take it when you can get it.  I love free, and $2.97 clearance racks.  I save SO.MUCH.MONEY (that I can spend somewhere else!).
26. Kids repeat everything you say, so make sure its something off-the-wall to make other people laugh.
27. Cooking is not as scary as it used to be.  Burning myself is still as easy though.
28. Music is part of your soul.  You can't have one without the other.  Or you shouldn't...otherwise you are just a zombie and I'm going to have to chop your head off.
29. Oceans are soothing and everyone needs to get to one sometime in their life, to know what true peace feels like.
30. Dancing in the house to music is freeing, and no one thinks you are an idiot because they can't even see you!
31.  Life is too short to be bitter about anything.  Someone out there has bigger problems than you and are probably keeping their chin up about it.  Smile, cuz smile wrinkles are IN!


Wisdom of a toddler

While sweeping up the floor, and telling them to pick their feet up:
"Whoa Bri! You almost died me!"

While having snacks of grapes, to which I said they could hold the bag but they better share because I got them for everyone:
"We bettah share these because Bri got these for eberyone and if we don't share, she is gonna frow dem way and we will neber eber eber get gwapes again!"

On exercise:
"Well kids, I have to do my abdominals."---"Ad Dominoes! You don't have that game, I do!"
"I need to do ecca-size!" *after 15 seconds* "Oh! I so sweaty, this wears me out!"
"I gotta work out wishu!"

"Oh Bri, the emailman came, go getchur email!"

During an intense game of dress-up:
"Don't look at my buttcrack while I change!"
"Look at my pwincess dwess! I look faaaaaabluss!"
"Yes you look paantastic!"
"Sipperman to da rescue! Gotta save Bri!"

On birthdays:
"My mom will buy you presents!"
"MY mom will buy you chocolate and pie and chocolate and candles and meatballs."
"Look I made you this prize! Lemme open it for you! PRIIIIIZE!"

On music:
"You gotsta play Adele! She my favorite, play Roll inna deep"
"Oh dis my favorite song! Turn it up!"
"You come dance with me, hold my hand, we jump!"
"You! AND DONNA! Y-O-U! You wanna!"

Toddlers are tech savvy:
"I neeeed yo phone to play angee birds."
"I can take a pic-sha on yo phone, I know how."
"I wanna type on the pu-wer!"
*my phone makes a noise* "Oh Bri! It's yo email!"

On being a kid:
"I can't have dat cup because it's glass and I am not a dot, I just a kid."
"We don't eber eber touch knives because they will cut our pingers off."
"We gotta eat alllllll our food so we can have big muscles and ecca-size with Bri!"
"I neeeeeed some snack Bri!" (I say one minute) "But I being so patnient Bri! Paitnient means to wait."

When the smoke detector goes off (while messing with the woodstove downstairs):
"What was dat noise Bri!"
"The smoke detector, it's ok"
"Dat was so loud! You better get K, I woke him up and then that noise went HONK HONK in the bedroom and made him sad. Go get him. He being too loud."

On injuires:
"I hurt mysess, you need to take me to da hospital cuz I'm dying."

Potty training:
"Don't use ALLLL the toilet paper, we don't have money for more." "We don't wanna break the pot."
"Come wipe me Bri, I pooped.   I pushed it out really hard!"
"I love pooping." (these kids are weird ;) )

On being best friends:
"Gimme hug, fwend!"
"I share dis with you cuz I lub you so much!"
"Let's hide from Bri and jump out, she be so scared!" "Okay!" *insert maniacal laughter*
"I take your picture, you say cheese!" "Cheese!" "That's a keeper!"
"You my best fwend, she my best fwend, he my best fwend, mommy's my best fwend, daddy's my best fwend...we ALLLLL best fwends!"