You ever try to each a three-year-old a joke?

Because you SHOULD.  Ever try to teach two three-year-olds a joke?  Even.better.  Unless you are the type of person who gets annoyed about repeating yourself over and over for an hour trying to get them to say it right.  You'd think the joke would lose all funniness, but no.  No it does not.  However I am a rare breed and I find things funny decades later no matter how stupid it is.  Like you'd think I wouldn't find it hilarious when Tom Hanks in his ill-fitted tuxedo is at that fancy banquet chewing on a baby corn like it's real corn on the cob.  But I do.  I REALLY do.  

Even funnier is when their parents are sending you texts asking you what in the world their kid is talking about.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY KID?!?"  "Why is my kid talking about marine life while slapping her knees in giggle fits?  I don't get it, lets make it a bug."

Okay, no that wasn't really said.  But what WAS said was "Do you know how long it took me to get that joke?" and of course I laughed all over the floor like that rolling on the floor yahoo emoticon but with less roundness.

Are  you ready?

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

*rim shot*  Thank you, I am here all week!

*beauty pageant waves*


What's that smell?

Last week I went to tan.  Nothing new or interesting about that.  I walked in, said hi and probably asked for an upgrade on the bed.  As we were discussing my bed arrangements, a feller came skipping down the hall loudly interrupting us.  For future references we will call him spaz attack. 

"Can you do my back?" he said.  I looked around HOPING he wasn't asking me, I don't even know who he is!  He wandered around behind the counter, and obviously couldn't see the sign saying not to, on account of his sunglasses being on INSIDE.  His shirt was missing...I think he lost it in the hallway during his cheer routine.  After he was told to "step back sir" he again asked to be rubbed down.  She said she would after she cleaned my bed.  He decided then he should maybe go pee while he's waiting.  As he cart-wheeled down the hall I looked at workerbee and contemplated making fun of him but wasn't sure if he was a buddy or not.  However, I am fairly sure I made an "is-he-for-real?" face.

My bed got cleaned, and as workerbee came out to tell me, spaz attack came running down the hall, arms flailing, screaming like he was being chased by a drone of hornets.


Workerbee, quick  to reply asked "Did ya poop?" to which spaz attack said "EW! NO I did NOT!"  Thank my lucky stars my bed was ready because I was not sure I could handle any more of this guys crack rush.  As I was walking back, I heard him pleading saying "I just shaved my back, so its okay.  Please?"  *chokes back vomit*


Let me channel my inner Fraulein Maria

and sing "These are a few of my favorite THIIIIINGS!  WHEN THE DOG  BI-Bi-bites..."    *shifty eyes* 

Summer is practically here, and that means that there are certain products I need and can't live without during the warm times.  If I lived near the ocean though, these things would be staples.  Okay, this is kind of a girly post so boys...thanks for looking but nothing to see here, move on.  Unless you LIKE girly things and then by all means, stick around!  

I am not going to talk tanning stuff because for me, I haven't found a FAVORITE lotion and to be honest I use whatever my tanning salon gets in that year.  And I use spf 50 on my face and shoulders outside anyway, and I don't think the brand matters so long as you protect your skin.  Get a really good base tan by going slow and using high spf's and by all means, don't get burnt! Use a sunblock until you get your base tan.  Protect your skins, only get one epidermis.  That's the end of my PSA.