baseball talk on a smart phone

...and some other random chitchat, but mostly its about baseball because well I like to watch baseball, and I like to chat Dustbuster about it.  Sometimes though, autocorrect doesn't like baseball players names.

me

Why did futile have that oven mitt on?

12:56 PM

Dustbuster

I didn't see it

me

I knew you are a terribly fan and don't watch

He had a big mitten on over his batting glub

When he was on base

1:00 PM

Dustbuster

Wooooohoo

me

Don't pretend you are watching

Dustbuster

I always pretend

me

That guy just missed the ball

Dustbuster

he did that last time we played them too

1:09 PM

me

Its was nice that Freese got a hr on hims birfday

1:15 PM

Dustbuster
Woop taxi is on fire
me
I hope a taxi has a fire extinguisher, but yay for Yadi's hr! he's on fire!

1:56 PM

me

Haha that weirdo commentator is lolling about that old guy..harharharharhar he is SO FUNNY

Dustbuster

Ha!

me

Well they are kinda funny today!

Dustbuster

You are kinda funny

me

I try sometimes

Niiice jay

So shy and I went to the market jiggety jog

But I stopped at sonic for a lemon berry cream slush

And as im backing out....I look over and that dog was trying to stick her tongue in my cup for some cool whip!

Dustbuster

Did she drink it all?

me

I said what do you think you are doing you loony toon!?!?!?

2:09 PM

me

No I scooped out some cool whip for her but she wasn't getting my slush

2:10 PM

me

I don't get that negative goatee on bogged. boggs

2:14 PM

me

Tag. You're it.

Dustbuster

You would look funny with one

2:16 PM

me

I already have a negative goatee basically

Dustbuster

Sociopolitical...i don't get it

me

Im not political at all

Dustbuster

Oh

me

Nice base hit

Dustbuster

Ur a base hit

2:22 PM

me

So when we went to M's wedding , and met his wife, she said we should go to KC and hang out...then she said maybe a ball game....

I said....i'll only go in my cardinals shirt.

She said...ok i'll wear mine too!

And then we high dived about it :)

Well. Highfived

Dustin

AhahAa

ahaaahaaaa

from the top board no doubt

me

I haven't jumped off the high dive in a loooong time

Dustin

Me too

I'd like to

me

Banana that pitchers reaction! He just

Stomped around. I love it

Dustin

Ahaha

I can't see

me

Who poked your eye out?

2:26 PM

me

Did you vote for allstate the other day? I got an email and I voted my 25 slotted times.

Uh. Allstars

And alloted

2:33 PM

me

I tell you. Skip must have the weekend off from his game throwing 

Dustbuster

HE HELPED WIN THE WORLD SERIES

me

He was paid to help win

If he throws all the games then every one would be on to him and know he was getting paid under the table by the mafia 

So he only throws some games
Dustbuster
hangs head

2:36 PM

me

That's how he gets all this money on the side....so he can afford all those 'oblique dr visits' which I think is code for 'trips to jamaica'

2:37 PM

Dustbuster

You live in a strange fantasy world

2:41 PM

me

Listening to yadi talkis absolutely fascinating

They just interviewed him and they asked something or other

And he said

"Well we habing fun, and when we habing fun we do guuud and so das what we do we juss habing fun..."
 But he really looks like he wants to say, "leeb me alone I need to sower, I smeeel"

Dustbuster

Ahah so is furcal

He's number. 5

Indium not trying to compare him to pujols

I'm saying he's better than #1

#.5
me
well i still dunno what you say
Dustbuster
Taxi is #1
me
Actually yadi is #4

He's the best. I already told you this long ago. He is my fren.

2:53 PM

Yu no tush me.

Now here's a little ditty about my technologically dependent life.

I am the worst at losing things, I mean the WORST.  Like that one time I lost my drink and couldn't remember where I put it, but it was right in there on the counter where I left it?  Okay, that happens all the time.  Or when I misplaced that belt, only to give up and find it in a suitcase a couple months later?  Or when I lost my brown flip flops and never found them so I gave up and bought a new pair, only to find that they had been shoved under the bookcase two weeks later?  Or oh, how about that time I lost my iPod and thought I had mistakenly knocked it off my desk into the trash and dumped it, only to find it 4 months later outside sitting on top of  the gutter recently revealed thanks to a rainstorm moving the leaves off of it and it had sat through snow and rain and still worked? I put my phone down where I shouldn't and need to have someone call me, just to find it in the couch cushions.

Me and my car concerts...

So here I was, driving all over the great state of Missouri because it was the night to pick up the chirren.  Okay, I can't call them chirren anymore.  The teenagers, EXCUUUUUSE ME!  We have quite a long drive so we usually have lots to talk about and catch up on and in between times, we sing.  They enjoy the car concerts right along with me.  I helped raise them right.

We like to skip songs we don't care to sing to and belt it out to the ones we do. It's our thing, back off okay?  The thing you gotta know is, I keep lots of "classics" on the ipod.  Things like LIVE, Bob Marley, Pearl Jam, Natalie Merchant, etc.  I like my songs diverse.  The next  thing you gotta know is, I CAN NOT, will not ever change it from Bohemian Rhapsody.  It's like the world stops and I force them to listen to it.  The first time I made them listen to the song they said I was weird and laughed violently at my  "Bismilah! NOOO! We will not let you go! LEMME GO! NO NO NEVER NEVER NEVER NO NO NO!"  These days, they know it word for word and sing right along with me.  I threatened to never buy them candy again til they learned the words.

STOP COMPARING IT TO THAT!

I have a very serious thing to say here people.  I never say serious things, so you best be opening your ears and hearing this.  I went and saw the Hunger Games movie this weekend, as well as about 15bazillion other people according to the box office ratings.  It was a fantastic movie, well acted and stayed very close to the book.  I gave it my official stamp of approval.  Not that that hack job of the other movies I have seen... *coughTWILIGHTcough* Don't get me wrong, I love the Twilight Saga.  As a set of books.   The cheesy awful acting really ruined what could have been amazing movies for me.  Maybe K.Stewert will be a better *spoiler if you live under a rock* vampire than a human but I am kinda not getting my hopes up.  This is not the point....

My point is this people: Why do people compare Twilight to Hunger Games? WHY WHY!?


I'm going to leave that as a whole paragraph for itself to let it sink in...STOP IT YOU DUMMIES!  The Hunger Games is nothing NOTHING NOTHING like the Twilight books...NOTHING.  Do you see my urgency and seriousness in this? *points to all caps*  I cannot stand seeing people say "Team Edward/Team Jacob" let alone seeing this stupidness: "Who are you for? Team Peeta or Team Gale?"  What? Where did you come up with that cockamamie crap?  When did the Hunger Games books ever because some girly love story?

I've fallen for the basement. No, really.

It was a cold Chicago night, 1976 the year of America's bi-centennial.  My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was chargin' through!  Wait...what?  Ok ok ok...name that T.V. show clip then.  I guess I need a better intro.

It was a bright sunny February post-birthday and also happy Friday to me!  Us kids were having a swell time doing various kid things.  Mostly dancing and playing dress up (they were, I liked my clothes) and begging for candy.  I was fixing lunch and got a knock on the door to find a PRESENT for ME!  Oooo!  It really was my birthday week!  I opened the box to find the most glorious surprise from that sneaky Goose!  The very thing I am typing on at this moment.  A CHROMEBOOK! If you don't know what it is, I suggest you do a google search and figure it out.  Or here, I will help.  Click here for Chromebook awesomeness.  I will wait.

Disclaimer: This is mine.  You won't get THIS beautiful little thing, you'll be shipped another like it.

Now for some old lady wisdom

As I sit here on the fantastic day of my birth, I think back to last year when I was sulking and sad and unhappy that I was turning 30.  I did NOT have a birthday week.  I did NOT want people to know.  I did NOT EVEN want treats!  I  realized not too long after, that just because I am 30 doesn't mean I am ANY different than I was at 29, or 24 for that matter.  I am still a complete retard for marching bands.  I am still fanatical about Back to the Future.  I still love chocolate.  I still get ID'd.  I find myself hilarious even if no one else does, and often laugh at my own cheesy jokes.  I have learned a lot of things over my old age and last year taught me that I am only as old as I act.  I will now share some things I have learned.  And some wisdom.  It's probably not really wisdom but I decided they are so add this to your Chinese Proverbs.

1. Even though I have come to grips with it, saying "I'm 31." is still not fun to say.  Though I haven't had to say it yet, I know it's not fun.
2. Laughter IS the best medicine, which is why I dose myself up pretty good on a daily basis.
3. Learning to love exercise is hard, but now I am kinda obsessed with it.
4. HOWEVER, I hate starting my workout, but when I am done I am SO GLAD I went ahead and did it.  Procrastinating only brings guilt.  A lot of the times I have to slap myself in the face and say "SUCK IT UP WEENIE, YOUR FATS WON'T GO AWAY ON THEIR OWN!"  My reward is the chocolate protein shake afterwards, so I win twice!
5.  Sleep is important, or else your eyeball will turn pink all over and make you look like you have the worst case of pink-eye ever and then they will feel like sandpaper is scraping your retinas every time you blink.
6. Freaking out over small stuff is stupid.
7. Freaking out over friends who screw you over is stupider.  If they were a real friend, they'd not treat you that way in the first place.  Drama is not for this mama. "Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice, see ya never again jerk."  It's worked pretty well for me.  I don't have weirdos constantly complaining, the people in my life are awesome and that keeps me happy.
8. Snakes are STILL scary, even from the safety of the television.
9. There ARE ghosts, and I think one likes to mess with my wood stove.  It's ok because I think it just wants to roast marshmallows and who am I to say no to that?
10. Sitting in one place too long makes your butt fall asleep and when you get up to try to walk you look like a convulsing invalid.  Is that even a good description?  It is now.
11. Being sad/mad is ok, but don't post EVERY SINGLE upset all over every social network platform out there.  It just makes you look like a raging hormonal dingdong.  Just cry it out over an episode of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice -- and eat chocolate.  That always helps.
12. With today's technology no one knows how to spell or punctuate properly anymore.
13. Yep, salad is still my favorite meal.
14. You'd think after so long I would not cry at the death of Mufasa, but I still do and will not stay in the room during that scene.  And also Homeward Bound.
15. My dog is the best little animal I ever had and she knows it.  She's the most perfect, and I can't bear the thought of her not being here one day.  Also, she's really hilarious and acrobatic too.  Nothings cuter than getting up in the morning to get ready for work to find her back in bed under the covers with just her butt sticking out because she's "not ready to wake up yet".  Guarantees a smile to start my day.  Good pets take years off your life.
16. Car concerts are the best, when driving alone anyway.  I think I am an amazing singer while driving.
17. It takes a long time to make a marriage happy like the old folk, but when you get there its awesome.  Those oldies know what it takes, and they do it.  That's why they are still together and they didn't quit when it got hard.  I get to be one of those old folk.  We earned it. :)
18. Family is still family no matter how far away.  Same with friends.  The interwebs these days make it easier to keep up then if you lived in the same town!
19. I still get extremely side-tracked.  I still love it. It's like a surprise when I remember what I was going to do. I like surprises. Except surprise snakes.
20. Milk chocolate is still not very good.  I mean, I won't discriminate if that's all that is around but lets be honest.  It's not as good as pure super dark, I'm talking 80% or more, chocolate melting on your tongue to soothe a rough day away.
21. Kids are funnier than me, so I steal some of their jokes.
22. Smart phones make really dumb auto corrects and I find it absolutely hilarious.
23. I am still freakishly obsessed with real estate, drawing up houses, and stalking google maps.  I mean, its an every day thing for me.  Better that than drugs I guess.  I think in my next life I am supposed to do this.
24. Eating green/organic makes your whole aura happy and not murky.
25. Free is free, and you better take it when you can get it.  I love free, and $2.97 clearance racks.  I save SO.MUCH.MONEY (that I can spend somewhere else!).
26. Kids repeat everything you say, so make sure its something off-the-wall to make other people laugh.
27. Cooking is not as scary as it used to be.  Burning myself is still as easy though.
28. Music is part of your soul.  You can't have one without the other.  Or you shouldn't...otherwise you are just a zombie and I'm going to have to chop your head off.
29. Oceans are soothing and everyone needs to get to one sometime in their life, to know what true peace feels like.
30. Dancing in the house to music is freeing, and no one thinks you are an idiot because they can't even see you!
31.  Life is too short to be bitter about anything.  Someone out there has bigger problems than you and are probably keeping their chin up about it.  Smile, cuz smile wrinkles are IN!

Wisdom of a toddler

While sweeping up the floor, and telling them to pick their feet up:
"Whoa Bri! You almost died me!"

While having snacks of grapes, to which I said they could hold the bag but they better share because I got them for everyone:

"We bettah share these because Bri got these for eberyone and if we don't share, she is gonna frow dem way and we will neber eber eber get gwapes again!"

On exercise:
"Well kids, I have to do my abdominals."---"Ad Dominoes! You don't have that game, I do!"
"I need to do ecca-size!" *after 15 seconds* "Oh! I so sweaty, this wears me out!"
"I gotta work out wishu!"

Mailmen:
"Oh Bri, the emailman came, go getchur email!"

During an intense game of dress-up:
"Don't look at my buttcrack while I change!"
"Look at my pwincess dwess! I look faaaaaabluss!"
"Yes you look paantastic!"
"Sipperman to da rescue! Gotta save Bri!"

On birthdays:
"My mom will buy you presents!"
"MY mom will buy you chocolate and pie and chocolate and candles and meatballs."
"Look I made you this prize! Lemme open it for you! PRIIIIIZE!"

On music:
"You gotsta play Adele! She my favorite, play Roll inna deep"
"Oh dis my favorite song! Turn it up!"
"You come dance with me, hold my hand, we jump!"
"You! AND DONNA! Y-O-U! You wanna!"

Toddlers are tech savvy:
"I neeeed yo phone to play angee birds."
"I can take a pic-sha on yo phone, I know how."
"I wanna type on the pu-wer!"
*my phone makes a noise* "Oh Bri! It's yo email!"

On being a kid:
"I can't have dat cup because it's glass and I am not a dot, I just a kid."
"We don't eber eber touch knives because they will cut our pingers off."
"We gotta eat alllllll our food so we can have big muscles and ecca-size with Bri!"
"I neeeeeed some snack Bri!" (I say one minute) "But I being so patnient Bri! Paitnient means to wait."

When the smoke detector goes off (while messing with the woodstove downstairs):
"What was dat noise Bri!"
"The smoke detector, it's ok"
"Dat was so loud! You better get K, I woke him up and then that noise went HONK HONK in the bedroom and made him sad. Go get him. He being too loud."

On injuires:
"I hurt mysess, you need to take me to da hospital cuz I'm dying."

Potty training:
"Don't use ALLLL the toilet paper, we don't have money for more." "We don't wanna break the pot."
"Come wipe me Bri, I pooped.   I pushed it out really hard!"
"I love pooping." (these kids are weird ;) )

On being best friends:
"Gimme hug, fwend!"
"I share dis with you cuz I lub you so much!"
"STOP PUSHING ME, I DON'T LIKE THIS. GIMME MY SPACE!"
"Let's hide from Bri and jump out, she be so scared!" "Okay!" *insert maniacal laughter*
"I take your picture, you say cheese!" "Cheese!" "That's a keeper!"
"You my best fwend, she my best fwend, he my best fwend, mommy's my best fwend, daddy's my best fwend...we ALLLLL best fwends!"