Now for some old lady wisdom

As I sit here on the fantastic day of my birth, I think back to last year when I was sulking and sad and unhappy that I was turning 30.  I did NOT have a birthday week.  I did NOT want people to know.  I did NOT EVEN want treats!  I  realized not too long after, that just because I am 30 doesn't mean I am ANY different than I was at 29, or 24 for that matter.  I am still a complete retard for marching bands.  I am still fanatical about Back to the Future.  I still love chocolate.  I still get ID'd.  I find myself hilarious even if no one else does, and often laugh at my own cheesy jokes.  I have learned a lot of things over my old age and last year taught me that I am only as old as I act.  I will now share some things I have learned.  And some wisdom.  It's probably not really wisdom but I decided they are so add this to your Chinese Proverbs.

1. Even though I have come to grips with it, saying "I'm 31." is still not fun to say.  Though I haven't had to say it yet, I know it's not fun.
2. Laughter IS the best medicine, which is why I dose myself up pretty good on a daily basis.
3. Learning to love exercise is hard, but now I am kinda obsessed with it.
4. HOWEVER, I hate starting my workout, but when I am done I am SO GLAD I went ahead and did it.  Procrastinating only brings guilt.  A lot of the times I have to slap myself in the face and say "SUCK IT UP WEENIE, YOUR FATS WON'T GO AWAY ON THEIR OWN!"  My reward is the chocolate protein shake afterwards, so I win twice!
5.  Sleep is important, or else your eyeball will turn pink all over and make you look like you have the worst case of pink-eye ever and then they will feel like sandpaper is scraping your retinas every time you blink.
6. Freaking out over small stuff is stupid.
7. Freaking out over friends who screw you over is stupider.  If they were a real friend, they'd not treat you that way in the first place.  Drama is not for this mama. "Fool me once, shame on me.  Fool me twice, see ya never again jerk."  It's worked pretty well for me.  I don't have weirdos constantly complaining, the people in my life are awesome and that keeps me happy.
8. Snakes are STILL scary, even from the safety of the television.
9. There ARE ghosts, and I think one likes to mess with my wood stove.  It's ok because I think it just wants to roast marshmallows and who am I to say no to that?
10. Sitting in one place too long makes your butt fall asleep and when you get up to try to walk you look like a convulsing invalid.  Is that even a good description?  It is now.
11. Being sad/mad is ok, but don't post EVERY SINGLE upset all over every social network platform out there.  It just makes you look like a raging hormonal dingdong.  Just cry it out over an episode of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice -- and eat chocolate.  That always helps.
12. With today's technology no one knows how to spell or punctuate properly anymore.
13. Yep, salad is still my favorite meal.
14. You'd think after so long I would not cry at the death of Mufasa, but I still do and will not stay in the room during that scene.  And also Homeward Bound.
15. My dog is the best little animal I ever had and she knows it.  She's the most perfect, and I can't bear the thought of her not being here one day.  Also, she's really hilarious and acrobatic too.  Nothings cuter than getting up in the morning to get ready for work to find her back in bed under the covers with just her butt sticking out because she's "not ready to wake up yet".  Guarantees a smile to start my day.  Good pets take years off your life.
16. Car concerts are the best, when driving alone anyway.  I think I am an amazing singer while driving.
17. It takes a long time to make a marriage happy like the old folk, but when you get there its awesome.  Those oldies know what it takes, and they do it.  That's why they are still together and they didn't quit when it got hard.  I get to be one of those old folk.  We earned it. :)
18. Family is still family no matter how far away.  Same with friends.  The interwebs these days make it easier to keep up then if you lived in the same town!
19. I still get extremely side-tracked.  I still love it. It's like a surprise when I remember what I was going to do. I like surprises. Except surprise snakes.
20. Milk chocolate is still not very good.  I mean, I won't discriminate if that's all that is around but lets be honest.  It's not as good as pure super dark, I'm talking 80% or more, chocolate melting on your tongue to soothe a rough day away.
21. Kids are funnier than me, so I steal some of their jokes.
22. Smart phones make really dumb auto corrects and I find it absolutely hilarious.
23. I am still freakishly obsessed with real estate, drawing up houses, and stalking google maps.  I mean, its an every day thing for me.  Better that than drugs I guess.  I think in my next life I am supposed to do this.
24. Eating green/organic makes your whole aura happy and not murky.
25. Free is free, and you better take it when you can get it.  I love free, and $2.97 clearance racks.  I save SO.MUCH.MONEY (that I can spend somewhere else!).
26. Kids repeat everything you say, so make sure its something off-the-wall to make other people laugh.
27. Cooking is not as scary as it used to be.  Burning myself is still as easy though.
28. Music is part of your soul.  You can't have one without the other.  Or you shouldn't...otherwise you are just a zombie and I'm going to have to chop your head off.
29. Oceans are soothing and everyone needs to get to one sometime in their life, to know what true peace feels like.
30. Dancing in the house to music is freeing, and no one thinks you are an idiot because they can't even see you!
31.  Life is too short to be bitter about anything.  Someone out there has bigger problems than you and are probably keeping their chin up about it.  Smile, cuz smile wrinkles are IN!