Wisdom of a toddler

While sweeping up the floor, and telling them to pick their feet up:
"Whoa Bri! You almost died me!"

While having snacks of grapes, to which I said they could hold the bag but they better share because I got them for everyone:
"We bettah share these because Bri got these for eberyone and if we don't share, she is gonna frow dem way and we will neber eber eber get gwapes again!"

On exercise:
"Well kids, I have to do my abdominals."---"Ad Dominoes! You don't have that game, I do!"
"I need to do ecca-size!" *after 15 seconds* "Oh! I so sweaty, this wears me out!"
"I gotta work out wishu!"

"Oh Bri, the emailman came, go getchur email!"

During an intense game of dress-up:
"Don't look at my buttcrack while I change!"
"Look at my pwincess dwess! I look faaaaaabluss!"
"Yes you look paantastic!"
"Sipperman to da rescue! Gotta save Bri!"

On birthdays:
"My mom will buy you presents!"
"MY mom will buy you chocolate and pie and chocolate and candles and meatballs."
"Look I made you this prize! Lemme open it for you! PRIIIIIZE!"

On music:
"You gotsta play Adele! She my favorite, play Roll inna deep"
"Oh dis my favorite song! Turn it up!"
"You come dance with me, hold my hand, we jump!"
"You! AND DONNA! Y-O-U! You wanna!"

Toddlers are tech savvy:
"I neeeed yo phone to play angee birds."
"I can take a pic-sha on yo phone, I know how."
"I wanna type on the pu-wer!"
*my phone makes a noise* "Oh Bri! It's yo email!"

On being a kid:
"I can't have dat cup because it's glass and I am not a dot, I just a kid."
"We don't eber eber touch knives because they will cut our pingers off."
"We gotta eat alllllll our food so we can have big muscles and ecca-size with Bri!"
"I neeeeeed some snack Bri!" (I say one minute) "But I being so patnient Bri! Paitnient means to wait."

When the smoke detector goes off (while messing with the woodstove downstairs):
"What was dat noise Bri!"
"The smoke detector, it's ok"
"Dat was so loud! You better get K, I woke him up and then that noise went HONK HONK in the bedroom and made him sad. Go get him. He being too loud."

On injuires:
"I hurt mysess, you need to take me to da hospital cuz I'm dying."

Potty training:
"Don't use ALLLL the toilet paper, we don't have money for more." "We don't wanna break the pot."
"Come wipe me Bri, I pooped.   I pushed it out really hard!"
"I love pooping." (these kids are weird ;) )

On being best friends:
"Gimme hug, fwend!"
"I share dis with you cuz I lub you so much!"
"Let's hide from Bri and jump out, she be so scared!" "Okay!" *insert maniacal laughter*
"I take your picture, you say cheese!" "Cheese!" "That's a keeper!"
"You my best fwend, she my best fwend, he my best fwend, mommy's my best fwend, daddy's my best fwend...we ALLLLL best fwends!"

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