Aliens and pee

In my weak attempt for orderliness --is that a word? I am going to bring some of my stories from wherever I had them posted.  Oldie here, but pretty awesome.

July 11, 2011
WOO HOO MONDAY!  I went to let Shyann Belle dog out at 515am and the door wouldn't open because something was in the way.  Then I saw it...the trash bag I set out last night to take with me when I left was all torn up. Great. A cat.  Shy went investigating and I heard this strange snarl and I screamed "SHY COME HERE"! I saw the stupid cat crawl up my grill trying to escape so I swatted at it.  But it kept going up! AND UP! And it was stuck, clinging on to the post of the porch for dear life.  I flipped on the porch light because in the midst of the battle, I dropped my phone. WHAT! HOLY MOTHER OF COFFEE!  IT'S NOT A CAT! IT'S A RACOON! OMG I ALMOST TOUCHED IT! EW EW! IT COULD HAVE RABIED ME!  

I, not being one to want to disappoint with lack of evidence, took a picture of this coon stuck on a post, then shooed the dog inside with me while I got a trash bag.  I came back out...oh not just one coon. TWO. The other one was sitting on the grill watching me with its beady little reflective devil eyes. So I took his picture too.

"I have my eye on you, Creeper! No sudden movements!" I declared , donning my best glaring snake eyes.

I cleaned up the trash and the one on the grill, Creeper, was inching closer to me.

"BACK, YOU!" It wasn't good enough because he kept coming closer so I threw Goose's  shoe at it and he 
skirted around and jumped into the bushes and ran off. HMMPH.  Nice try little wuss..scaredy coon.

Klingon was still hanging out on the post, just watching.  I finished my trash cleanup, took it to the dumpster, and came back and wondered.  Should I help the little guy get down or should I leave him there?  Probably best to send him on his way to be with brother Creeper.  So I hid INSIDE the house, just barely poking out with my broom stick.  Klingon watched the broom come closer and then hissed and bit at it and tried to swipe! I'm not gonna lie, I thought he would get ahold of the broom and and clib it and come after my soul a little bit.  I poked him a few times and in one last final swipe, he fell off the post backwards!  Way to keep your balance there, varmint.  I saw him bound across the street into the gutter.  All the while, Shyann Belle dog was barking at the door wanting to help.  Sorry bout your day, pup.    

So I go walking, which was the ONLY reason I was up at 515am anyway.  I made it back and thought about my coon events and got quite the chuckle...birds, coons...what else can I get involved with in my life, really?  My normal day started and was considerably calmer.  I was in the kitchen stabbing potatoes for baking when Shy began acting suspicious.

"Whatchu got there dog?"  She was hovering over something by the oven.  I got closer...SHE WAS PLAYING WITH AN ALIEN!  It was slimy, AND STILL BARELY BREATHING! I got close, of course take a picture because WHO would EVER believe me? It looked like a newborn...and I mean JUST BORN baby mouse. Or possum. Or monkey.  Really I didn't know what it is, but I bet it was a mouse.  And I don't know if she brought it in from the garage or *shudders* there's a family of them behind the oven.  *gags*.  Maybe at naptime I will get to see a leaping gazelle fly across the living room and out the back door. (UPDATE-after google imaging the deceased alien, It is possibly a newborn possum or still a mouse.  Either one inside is sicko so lets all hope for my sanity that there is not a wee family of them living behind my oven and that she brought the thing from the garage.  Needless to say, trapper Goose has work to do.) 

Also...wish me luck.  Tomorrow I start BOTH little girls in undies potty training.  It's the farmers almanac day to start it and both moms are ready.  Of course one came today in undies, but no plastics so the kid already peed in my floor like an adorable puppy dog. I mean straight up, squatted and peed. Nice. :)  I'll give her credit, she's catching on to the "feeling" after that and trying to get in the bathroom faster.  (UPDATE-this method of potty training was EXCELLENT.  Within two weeks we were not having any accidents and within a month they were completely trained and only using pull ups at nap.)

Wanna come over and investigate rodents or sit in pee puddles? I also spared you from the slimy alien.  Pictures available upon request.

The power of eyes compel you!

No comments:

Post a Comment