This is will melt your brain

I'm pretty sure I am not the only one in the world that has had a 10th birthday.  I am pretty sure that I am one of the few that nearly caused my party to be shut down.  It was a fun birthday, I had a bunch of my friends come over (none of which I am still friends with nor remember) for a slumber party.  We had a pillow fight, played princess dress up in my mom's best dresses and makeup, and went out and TP'd the neighborhood after sneaking Zima's from the old man's garage fridge, and blew up small plants with black cat firecrackers.

Or...so you would think.  Instead, I had a party at my house and all I REALLY remember as far as presents go, is that I got a SA-WEET Joey McEntyre t-shirt that, had I known future me was going to totally go fan girl and go to a Chicago NKOTB reunion concert, I probably would have saved it.  Either way, I don't have it anymore but I got one! A shirt.  With his generic signature and everything! I totally pretended it was the only signed one and so the shirt itself became as magical as unicorn farts blessed with the sacred tears of gypsies.

Side note:  Somewhere in my life at that time I know that my dear mom got me NKOTB tickets in Tulsa and I was SO excited! She had gotten the tickets four months in advance, and when the day came, I squealed "I've been waiting 2000 flushes to go to this concert!"  My recollection of WHEN these tickets were presented to me are foggy.  I was busy climbing through construction houses and climbing dirt piles, chasing my dogs around, and beating every Super Mario Castle on Super Nintendo.  It's possible they are related to this party.  Possibly not, I just know I went and it was surreal, and I thought "wow people in the T.V. REALLY ARE real!"

Back to my birthday party, after a round of gift opening and squealing we caked, probably had pizzas, most definitely ice cream and settled in for a movie on the never ending blue sectional couch we owned.  Movie of choice: Back to the Future.  By then, I had watched it enough times I knew it word for word.  And  I do mean word.for.word.  No one was really paying a whole lot of attention to it but I was aware of every scene.

It was time for Marty to go back...back to the future! *longing look into the far off distance*  Doc was waiting, and looking at the time and noting that Marty, who had taken up some minutes of fame to play Johnny B. Goode for a crowd who was NOT.COOL.enough to enjoy it like I did, was running late.  Poor Doc was pacing all up and down the sidewalk in front of the clock tower, all hooked up and ready to go when he looked at his wrist watch and then my mouth took over for him.

"Damn, where is that kid!" I whispered in sync with Doc.

"Damn!" again I said when Doc checked his stopwatch.

"DAMN DAMN!" I shouted when he checked his other wristwatch.

Then I got yanked off the arm of the couch I was sitting by my mother. GREAT SCOTT!

I'm really not sure what she loudly and madly whispered to me, but it was something like:
"You do NOT talk like that! I should wash your mouth out with soap and make you eat the bar!  You have such a dirty mouth (Orbit gum was not invented at this time so it couldn't save me), do I need to take you to the back room and bend you over my knee and spank you!?  I should ground you for three weeks! I can NOT believe you said that in front of EVERYONE!  How embarrassing! I will send everyone home now if you don't straighten up!"

My feeble excuse that I was just quoting the movie so what I said was not real was no match for my mom's wrath, and while she did none of those things she made sure that I NEVER EVER quote that part of the movie again along with anything else with cuss words.  I had to go back to the couch with my face flushed as red as a beet because while she whispered, all those other girls knew what happened and had their "ooooh she got caaaauuuught" faces on.  Then I realized I was wearing my Joey Mac t-shirt and he could save me from their gazes because it was my magical shirt, so I went back to watching the movie like nothing happened.  The next time a line with a cuss word came on, I made sure not to say it..out loud.  It is not my fault that I know the lines so well and demand my reciting! *shrugs*  I can't remember if I ever got grounded, so I am going to pretend I didn't.

See you in about 30 years, when you are out of jail for saying bad words.

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